Child abuse
Child abuse and grooming
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Overview
This page explains what child abuse and grooming are, where to get support, and what you can do if you are worried about a child or young person. You can ask for help even if you are not sure what has happened.
If something doesn't feel right, help is available
If you are worried about a child or young person, you can ask for advice or raise a concern with Police or Oranga Tamariki.
Police: If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. If you can’t speak for fear of harm, you will be asked to press keys for emergency assistance. If it is not an emergency, you can visit your local police station or ring 105.
Oranga Tamariki: You can contact a social worker from Oranga Tamariki through 0508 326 459 or through their online form.
A child or young person is never at fault
Child abuse and grooming can happen to any child or young person. It can be hard to recognise, and children or young people may not always have the words, confidence, or understanding to describe what is happening to them.
No matter what happens, abuse is never the fault of the child or the young person.
If you're worried that a child or young person may be experiencing abuse or grooming, or if you're unsure what to do, support is available. There are organisations that can help you.
More information about supporting organisations
Understanding child abuse
Child abuse is when a child or young person is harmed, neglected, or put at risk of harm by another person. The abuse may come from a family or whānau member, someone the child or young person knows, or a stranger. It can be carried out by adults, as well as by other children or young people. Abuse can happen in different places such as at home, school, in the community or online.
The signs of abuse are not always easy to see right away, and it may take time for people to notice that something is wrong.
What child abuse can look like
Child abuse can take different forms including physical, sexual and psychological abuse, as well as neglect. A child or young person may experience more than one type of abuse at the same time.
Show examples for child abuse
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Examples of physical abuse
- any deliberate harm to the physical safety of the child or young person including pushing, punching, hitting, kicking, or strangling/choking.
- using physical force to punish or correct a child or young person including smacking, shaking, or striking a child or young person with an object. This also includes any actions intended to cause pain, harm or suffering because of a child or young person’s behaviour.
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Examples of sexual abuse
- making a child or young person take part in any sexual activity
- any sexual touching including touching the child or young person or asking them to touch someone else
- exposing private body parts to a child or young person
- exposing a child or young person to sexual activity, including through images, videos, or other sexual content
- taking, sharing, or threatening to share sexual content of a child or young person
- communicating in person or online with a child or young person for a sexual purpose
- encouraging, bribing, pressuring, manipulating, coercing, or forcing a child or young person to take part in sexual activity of any kind.
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Examples of psychological abuse
- threatening, intimidating, or frightening a child or young person
- controlling, manipulating or isolating a child or young person
- constantly criticising, insulting, humiliating or putting a child or young person down
- telling or making a child or young person feel responsible for adult problems like financial issues or family violence
- harm caused by a person using family violence; this includes situations where a child or young person sees, hears, or experiences the effects of that behaviour
- behaviour that makes a child or young person feel unsafe, unloved, uncomfortable, or worthless.
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Examples of neglect
- a child or young person’s basic needs, such as food, clothing or shelter are not consistently met when support is available and needed
- a child or young person does not receive appropriate medical, dental or mental health care and support, and reasonable steps have not been taken to access or arrange that support
- rejecting, ignoring, or withholding love, care, and support from a child or young person
- exposing a child to unsafe situations and living conditions including problems with substance misuse, violence, and hazards and dangers in the home
- a child or young person is not appropriately protected from harm or risk of harm.
No child can give consent
In New Zealand legislation, a child means up to the age of 13. A young person is between the age of 14 and 17.
The legal age of consent in Aotearoa New Zealand is 16.
Children and young people under the age of 16 cannot legally consent to sexual activity.
Understanding grooming
Grooming is a pattern of behaviour used to gain a child or young person's trust so that a person can abuse, exploit, or harm them. Grooming can happen to any child or young person and can occur both in person and online.
A person who grooms a child may be someone the child or young person knows, such as a family or whānau member, or other trusted adult. They may also be someone the child or young person doesn't know well or does not know at all.
A person who is grooming a child or young person may build trust with them over time. The person may also gain the trust of the child or young person's family, whānau, friends, or wider community to make it seem like their behaviour is safe, normal, or trustworthy.
What grooming can look like
Grooming can look like a lot of different things. The person targeting a child or young person can use different behaviours and methods to build trust with the child, young person or their family and whānau with the purpose of getting access to the child or young person.
While grooming can happen quickly, it can also occur over months or years with the behaviour slowly escalating.
Examples of grooming behaviours and methods:
- providing special attention, extra time or opportunities
- using flattery, praise or attention to gain trust
- giving gifts, money or treats
- pretending to share common interests or goals
- befriending and communicating through social media, online forums or other technology or channels.
A person who is grooming a child or young person may use pressure, manipulation, threats or force to control them by:
- wanting to know private and personal information
- making the child or young person feel ‘older’ than their age
- offering help, support, opportunities, transport or accommodation to create dependence
- trying to isolate the child or young person from friends, family and whānau
- exploiting a child or young person’s vulnerabilities such as their disability, family difficulties, low self-esteem, or loneliness
- encouraging the child or young person to keep their relationship and conversations secret
- pushing conversations towards a sexual topic
- getting the child or young person to watch, take, or share explicit content like intimate images, videos or recordings
- using blame, guilt, shame, threats, or blackmail to force the child or young person into doing things they do not want to do.
Terms you may hear
When people refer to someone who has experienced sexual abuse, they might use different terms like victim, survivor, or victim-survivor.
In the New Zealand criminal justice system, legal documents and court proceedings generally use the terms victim and witness for the Crown to describe a person's role in the case.
Victims Information | For people affected by sexual violence
How to report when you are worried about a child or young person
If you are worried a child is being abused
If you are worried about a child or young person, there are specialist organisations that offer help and support.
You can ask for help if you are worried that a child or young person:
- is being hurt or neglected
- is being pressured, controlled or manipulated
- is being contacted or communicated with in a way that feels unsafe
- is being asked for sexual images or videos
- has been exposed to sexual images or videos
- is being exploited online.
You can ask for advice even if you are not sure what has happened. You can also support a child or young person to talk to someone safe.
How to report
You can raise your concerns with Oranga Tamariki or Police even if you’re worried you might be wrong. People who report suspected abuse in good faith are protected by the law.
Contact Oranga Tamariki
You can contact Oranga Tamariki(external link) even if you are not sure what is happening is abuse or neglect:
- Freephone: 0508 326 459 (24/7 support)
- Online form(external link)
Contact your local Police
Find your local Police station: Find Police stations by A - Z | New Zealand Police(external link)
Intimate content involving someone under the age of 18
Intimate content involving someone under the age of 18 is child sexual abuse material (CSAM). If you have concerns or know about a child or young person being exposed or involved in CSAM, there is more information available: Child sexual abuse material
What to do if a child or young person has experienced abuse
Learning that a child or young person may have experienced abuse can be distressing and shocking. How you respond can make a different in their recovery.
It can help to:
- listen to them without blame
- take their concerns seriously
- let them know they are not alone
- emphasise whatever happened was not their fault
- help them talk to a safe adult or support service.
More information about organisations that can help you
Learn more about how to support someone else
More information about looking after your own wellbeing while supporting someone else
What you can do next
- If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, you can get help now
- Learn how to hide my visit
- Find support & resources
- Learn more on the Victims Information website for young people(external link)